by: Andrew Halter
1. Piloting a Remote Control Helicopter
This is one of the more subtle uses of mime technique, in which the performer holds his hands parallel to each other, roughly 2-3 feet apart, scanning the sky for an invisible flying machine. One can also open his or her mouth in amazement and excitement, occasionally becoming concerned that the imaginary helicopter will crash, only to be relieved when it does not.
2. Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Waving Tube Man
The Mime splays his or her arms wide, holding them rigid and unmoving, only to suddenly reverse directions suddenly. The mime’s face should be completely without expression, suggesting the personification of an inanimate object. If any small children are near, the mime could suddenly throw his arms toward them, hoping not to make them burst into tears.
The mime should first pretend to sit at a desk and write a confessional note, making sure to emphasize with his or her finger the tears running down their cheek. Then, standing up, the mime can slip an invisible noose over their neck, throwing the other end of the rope over an imagined overhead pipe. With hands clasped together in front of them, the mime could weep briefly into their own folded hands, before pretending to dangle lifeless from their own imagined suicidal rig. Possibility: suddenly spring to life, grinning widely and ensuring any audience that it was all a ruse.
4. Mass Shooting
This act requires at least 15 mimes, as one will portray the shooter and the others his or her unfortunate victims. All the mimes should begin together in one group, until one of them upholds an imaginary machine gun and begins to murder many of the other mimes. There should be at least 10 imaginary casualties, with the shooter making sure to shudder his or her body rapidly as if jostled by machine gun fire.
5. Donald Trump Speech
The mime stands as if before a podium, making sure to indicate with hand motions that he or she is enormously overweight. The mime could gesticulate wildly with his or her hands while occasionally standing openhanded as if asking the crowd a question. Depending on what part of the country the mime performs this routine, it may end with a final triumphant Nazi salute.